Saturday, January 03, 2015

A quick slap in the dark

This flight of stone stairs leads from York's city wall to the street below at Monk Bar, one of the ancient entry points to the historic inner city, which houses the famous Shambles and Minster. After a great day in the city, the four of us walked round the walls, leaving at Monk Bar to return to street level just behind the Minster close. About halfway down the stairs, I decided on a whim to perform one of my granddad's favourite set piece jokes. Rather like Eric Morecambe's paper bag routine, this is corny and predictable, yet still funny. It was also an important part of my childhood, as I was invariably let in on the set-up. First, granddad would select a low branch, lamppost or low ceilinged stairway and slap it with the palm of his hand, simultaneously shouting 'ouch'. No matter how many times we'd seen it, there would be a response, ranging from polite titter to full-blown guffaw, with a reproaching 'Alf' from grandma. Walking down the Monk Bar stairs, I was immediately in front of my wife and two sons, my youngest son right behind me, when I reached up and slapped the low stone ceiling. Unfortunately, there was no time to go for a fullblown 'ouch' because the man in front of me turned round and asked if I was alright. 'Yes', I responded: 'did you hit your head' he replied - 'just the side' was the best I could manage. On gaining street level, I turned to see my youngest son trying unsuccessfully to stiffle a laugh, my elder son stumbled into the daylight and immediately followed suit, while my wife managed to combine a wry smile with an admonishing stare. My concerned friend crossed the road before the serious laughter started, so I don't think he saw us completely lose it as a family. As the mirth subsided, however, I like to think I heard faint grandfatherly laughter percolating through from the celestial realm to my mortal ear. It was good to reprise the trick, and I know Alf would have approved...

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