Serving Suggestion

I was a bit put out when we bought this pack of cakes. Seems modern etiquette requires you to take a bite out of a bun before offering it to your guests. Not wanting to make a social faux pas, I asked Marks and Sparks if this was the case. Apparently my comments have been sent to the sharp thinkers in marketing responsible for dreaming up such tosh; thought they'd have offered a year's free supply for providing a useful service: still, it's not too late if they want to recognise my diligence...

Gordon - the taxing Atlanticist

Can his aides please tell Gordon to give the Americanisation of Britain a rest? After it turned Blair into a poodle, you'd have thought his astute successor would have steered clear of being seen as a slavish adherent of things coming from the Land of the Free. Not so, he's proposing our very own British Purple Heart for those members of our armed forces unfortunate enough to be wounded in Labour's wars.

Like all the other things Gordon would like us to do, this will probably come to nothing - shame the same can't be said for his plans to tax low earners: the public's verdict on that will be all to painfully given on May 1.

Honouring the Military

Strange how, for such a reserved character, Gordon Brown wants us to 'celebrate' so much. If its not 'Britishness' - whatever that is, it's the armed forces, who he now wants to appear at sporting events. Shame, though, that celebration doesn't seem to extend to giving those who sign on the dotted line recognition for their human rights when they end up in harm's way, as under New Labour they seem to do on an increasing basis.

Surely the best way to 'honour' armed forces personnel is to ensure they are properly housed, paid and equipped, rather than going in for hollow cheer fests before the footie kicks off - or is this really about presenting a glamorous image to the bored youth on the terraces, in the hope they might be similarly inspired to join up?

'Celebration' and 'honour' are all very well, but they are meaningless gestures if we can't debate - much less dare to criticise - the conditions the government expects the forces to serve under.

Jam, Style and thanks on Oxford Street

I saw Paul Weller walking down Oxford Street last week. I'd like to apologise to him for causing a bit of a scene, but it's not everyday you see a true rock god in the flesh.

'He's not the god of creation, but he is the Lord of the Morning Light' Pan - As Is Now.

Couldn't put it better myself. Thanks for the music, long may it continue to inspire and enlighten.

Health and Safety on the Eye

Went on the London Eye with my nine year old son on Tuesday. Having paid for the tickets, we passed through security - which in our case consisted of a heavily-accented eastern european woman with a hand-held metal detector. On checking my rucksack she found a small football, at which point she asked me - in all seriousness - whether we were going to play with it on the trip! Aside from the fact that I was intent on getting my money's worth in sightseeing, didn't she think our fellow travellers might not look too favourably on a penalty shoot-out as they went round in the glass bubble with us.

A mistress of the bleeding obvious, if ever I came across one...

Horny-handed son of toil (or maybe not...)

Could Labour's new general secretary, city fund manager David Pitt-Watson be conclusive proof of the Party's break with its working class roots?

For the Party faithful there can be no doubt that money talks louder than tradition: Pitt-Watson was Brown's chosen candidate, in advance of a trade union official.

Keep the Red Flag flying - but not over New Labour.

Tesco just ruined Valentine's Day

The flowers I ordered to be delivered to my wife and one true love (it's OK, they're the same person) weren't delivered due to a communication problem in the warehouse. That's what they told me at the Call Centre. Thanks folks; as your slogan goes "every little helps".

Hope Cupid shoots straighter than this...

Who pays the politician, and why won't they tell us?

News that Peter Hain, Welsh Secretary and Secretary of State for Work and Pensions is to face a full parliamentary enquiry into the funding of his Labour deputy leadership bid is swiftly followed by revelations that Conservative shadow Chancellor, George Osborne, failed to over £400,000 in donations intended to fund his office.

If 'two jobs' Pete and Georgie, the self-professed chief bean-counter in waiting, either haven't the time or the intelligence to report donations properly, we definitely need a thorough overall of party financing.

Both Labour and Tories, when in power, have meddled with the financial reporting requirements to give their respective supporters and politicians some supposed advantage over the opposition. In reality, by cobbling together rules that favour the party in Government, they've created a system of byzantine complexity that politicians seem unable to understand or the public able to trust. Time for change; maybe even time to grasp the old state-funding nettle, after all, we can't trust the politicos to regulate themselves, can we?

Keeping it clean.

It's a bit of a nerve for the Cleaning and Support Services Association, the umbrella group that represents private contractors who are supposed to keep hospitals clean, to say that the Government's much vaunted £50 million "deep clean" should be scrapped in favour of more payments for regular cleaning.


We need clean hospitals and by interposing private firms, with dividend expecting shareholders, between the mop bucket and the ward, the NHS is being forced to divert funds away from cleaning into the pockets of CLSA members and their shareholders.

Once the hospitals are clean, we need to get rid of the self-serving CLSA and take cleaning back under the direct control of the NHS.

If you go down to the woods today...

Spent the afternoon of the last day of 2007 wandering round Judy Woods, a 40 hectare site of ancient woodland in Wyke, Bradford. The place is great at any time of the year, although I was annoyed to see that we've been adding some long term features to the land that could remain there for up to 2,000 years.

The woods are very popular with dog walkers; no problem with that, I love the woods and I like dogs. It's the owners who don't clean up properly after fido that get me angry.

If you leave a dog turd in the open it will naturally degrade after a week or so - unless, of course, someone doesn't tread in it first. The best option, for all concerned, is to put it in a pooh-bag and take it home with you. The worst option is to put it in a plastic pooh-bag and then leave the bagged-up turd in the woods, where the plastic will remain for centuries.

The number of stupid dog owners taking the worst option, as evidenced by the amount of little tied up plastic bundles left at the edge of the paths and the base of trees , shows that man's best friend can be one of the environment's worst enemies.

How to get rid of the plastic.

Elf n' Safety at the Supermarket

We called in to a local branch of Asda/Wallmart yesterday to get some school clothes for our nine year old. Not used to Asda's sizes (stores don't have standardised age-height sizes), I asked if he could try them on. The reply? "I'm afraid the changing room is closed for health and safety reasons".

A nine year old trying on a pair of trousers, accompanied by a parent: what "health and safety" issues could possible be engaged in that?

Result? We got home only to find the trousers don't fit - so guess where I'll be spending part of New Year's Eve.

Happy New Year - thanks Asda.

Who's been commenting on your Blog?

The High Court has recently ordered the publisher of a football website to reveal the identity of those posting comments on the site. Neil Hargreaves runs the site, which is dedicated to those following the fortunes of Sheffield Wednesday FC. After a run of poor results, derogatory comments about players and management starting appearing on Mr Hargreave's site.

Although most bloggers and many of those who comment on blog sites will have no idea of the extent of their liability for the material they post, this case establishes that their right to privacy may not be an overriding consideration. While most websites display warning about defamatory or abusive material, the suspension of an account for breaching the rule would not generally be susceptible to challenge on freedom of expression grounds.


However, before relying on the decision in Sheffield Wednesday v Hargreaves claimants seeking what is known as a Norwich Pharmacal order will need to show that the comments are really defamatory, not merely trivial or mildly abusive.

Perils of the Underground Freelance

London Underground have dispensed with the services of Emma Clarke, the person who's been telling us to "mind the gap" since 1999 because the management didn't like some things she said about her feelings on hearing her own voice when she travelled on the Tube.

Freelances not allowed freedom of expression? Just for the record, all my clients are truly wonderful and I don't have anything bad to say about them - only those that don't pay on time...

Grey Seal Pups at Donna Nook, Lincolnshire

Spent a couple of hours at the Lincolnshire Wildlife Trust site at Donna Nook yesterday. 611 pups have been born already, the season ends in mid-December. The photos and videos have a very high cuteness factor - you have been warned.

Autumn Colours on Ullswater

The Steamer Raven on Ullswater on a glorious Autumn day.

Invisible hands on £20 notes

So, we've now got Adam Smith on the back of the £20 note - apparently, he believed economics was guided by an "invisible hand" and that we're only doing it for ourselves.

No wonder we're in such a mess: do what the hell you like, an invisible hand will get you out of the cart - just what we need to underpin the national currency.

Why are we Ofsteding 3 year olds?

News that Ofsted inspectors claim to have found "weaknesses in the first years of learning" should send a shudder down the spine of every parent's spine. They are talking about three-year-olds placed with childminders and in nurseries. - with literacy and calculation "particular problems".

The obsession with results and league tables has got to have gone too far. Time to get the inspectors out of the sandpit?

Scarborough - the Corner Cafe is no more

As the kids are on half-term and no work was demanding my immediate attention, we went to Scarborough for the day yesterday. It just so happens, that we made it to North Bay two days after demolition started on the Corner Cafe.

For the uninitiated - or perhaps those who only know the name from the Simon and Garfunkle song "Scarborough Fair" - Scarborough is a famous holiday resort in North Yorkshire, and the Corner Cafe has dominated the town's North Bay for the best part of a century.

No more, the Cafe closed last year and the site is being redeveloped into a leisure and accommodation complex. Perhaps this will rejuvenate the area, as the local Council hopes, but a little bit of Yorkshire history is now being turned into rubble behind the contractors hoardings.

Thoughtfully, they've left a couple of viewing panels and while the lads played on the beach, I joined a long procession of people who went to pay their last respects. After all, generations of us had our first Knickbocker Glory there or bought jugs of tea to drink on the sand from paper cups. It was a good day, just a bit different without the old Corner Cafe.

Disadvantages of homeworking

After 7 years I've finally found a downside to the freelance life. I'm lucky, good clients make sure I don't have too many quiet days and they usually pay early. The problem comes courtesty of my next door neighbour, ironically enough a fellow homeworker.

For the past month he's been taking out a chimney breast which is built into the shared wall between the two houses. And today - oh, joy of joys - he's secured the services of a couple of builders to get rid of the old hearth and brick up the wall.

I've had power tools, hammering; the walls and windows have shaken. I lost patience at lunchtime and went out for something to eat. Then a strange thing happened. I was in the cafe of my local supermarket (Tesco - I know, they're everywhere). Queueing at the food counter, I was next to group of 6 elderly men, some with obvious learning difficulties, and they're carer. To a man, they all ordered sausages, chips and baked beans and went to eat together. I looked across a couple of times while I ate and they were sitting together, enjoying the food and each other's company, just talking quietly, with an occasional smile or friendly gesture.

A small thing, but one that took the heat out of my fraught day. I was glad to share my lunchtime with them. Hope they have many more lunches out on the town together.

Hospital Reading

I've just spent a couple of days in hospital; nothing serious, more embarassing for men of a certain age. To while away the hours, I took Arthur & George by Julian Barnes and found it to be an absolutely brilliant book. Barnes has taken the stories of two men, Arthur Conan Doyle and George Edalji - the former the famous writer and creator of Sherlock Holmes, the latter, a little known midlands solicitor - and created a work that examines spirituality, identity, nationality and race. Although concerned with events that occurred between 1893 and 1906, the work is intensely relevant for our own times when issues such as materialism and multiculturialism mean that Barnes' themes are never far from the headlines. Read this book as soon as you possibly can.